Five Things I've Been Thinkin'

I'm still alive. It's funny--I have no real intention to stop writing in my blog. I think of myself as an active blogger. And then I look at the date of my last entry and I'm kinda shocked. I'm sure anyone who ever read my blog has long since given up on me--just like I've given up on some of my other friends who have stopped blogging, or blog rarely. So sorry. I know you are all dying to hear the pearls of wisdom that come from me. I DO keep up a lot better on my Realscrappy blog--maybe that's why I feel like I'm an active blogger? I did a record THREE ENTRIES in a WEEK last week. So there.

What have I been thinking about?

1. On Saturday I had to go to a UMLA conference--a Middle School Conference. Honestly, I didn't want to go. A Saturday away from my family is a high price to pay--not just for my mental health and the health of my family, but for the sake of all the chores I can only do on the weekends since I work full time. But I had to go--I need the re-licensure points for my job so I went. And you know what? It was excellent. So I'm so glad that if I had to spend a day away from my family, it was totally worth it. Here's what I learned:

a. Elk Ridge really DOES have do awesome school plays. They school we were at performed a number from theirs and it was cute and the kids did a great job. But ours are WAY better and have WAY better choreography. Go Elk Ridge! Go Mrs. Gordon!

b. I learned about some really cool technology ideas for the classroom, and also that I am SO behind in technology, despite being a business teacher. Kinda embarassing.

c. Our keynote speaker was incredible. He talked about a concept he read about where you "make deposits" with people so that when you have to make a "withdrawal" you have something to draw from. It's a great way to build relationships. I thought about my students, and how I don't get to know them as well as I could. When they feel like I care about them and their success, when I take a moment to talk to them, encourage them, or have any personal positive interaction, I am "making a deposit." I don't make enough deposits. Not personally. I applied this to my marriage as well, and Trevor and I had a great discussion about it Sunday morning. It's something we are going to work on with each other.

d. I have a hard time really caring about my students. Does that sound horrible? It's not that I DON'T care about them. Its that I only have them 10 weeks, not a whole school year. And I don't have a lot of time to get to know them. And it really means I have to stretch myself to try. I keep a very professional relationship with my kids. We have fun and I make jokes and I try to make class interesting. But I'm not that teacher that hangs out with them after school or goes to their games. I'm just not. And I'm not sure I want to be. I'm not sure that it's within my abilities to cross that line. I guess I have with my ballroom kids, but that's only a few kids and we had a very different relationship. I just don't know where the balance is. I guess I only have so much fuel in me, and my own family takes a lot of it. And if I have to choose who is getting my energy, it will be my own kids. Still, it doesn't take much to ask kids how their weekend is and find out a few things about them. It doesn't take much to encourage them, to point out when they do well. Thoughts like that cross my mind all the time, but I don't always vocalize them, or remember them the next day when I have that student again. I guess what I mean is that I'm a good teacher, but I don't feel like I made a really big impact. I'm not that teacher that kids will come back and say, "you were the best. You changed my life. I'm a teacher because of YOU." They like me. They tell their friends my class if fun. But I don't think they remember anything. I know this because my 9th graders come in after being out of my room for two years, and have forgotten EVERYTHING and could care less about how cool I am. I don't know. All I can do is try, I guess.

2. I have totally gotten addicted to Farm Town again on Facebook. How did this happen to me? Why am I letting myself do this? Why am I actually contemplating spending real U.S. dollars to buy a second farm or a stable? I mean, really? Am I THAT pathetic? How did I become one of those people that play Facebook games? My only excuse is that its something to do while pumping. How's that?

3. My babies are growing up. The other day I had to leave for work and the babies were SO cute in the morning. I went in there, and they were all grinning and laughing and rolling around. And I did not want to leave them! "Summer is almost here," I told myself as I sadly left. And then I thought--"But in the summer, they won't be BABIES anymore!!" It's true. They are eight months old and now Scarlett has three teeth (none for Ripley yet) both are getting up on their knees getting ready to crawl, and both can even stand against furniture--though they don't like to. Where is the time going? Babies are so hard, but suddenly its going to be OVER. And I don't know if I'll ever have another baby again. We might, but we might not. And I love my little babies! But oh, just thinking about chasing after two crawling babies tires me out and excites me at the same time!

4. I've started making soap again. I used to make it with my students, back in the days before I had kids and could spend extra time in the preparing it. It was so fun, but I got burned out. We make badges now instead. But I got some new soap base and started making a few bars--and oh yeah! Making soap is so freaking fun!I forgot! I had to invite the art teachers over and Friday and we made a few bars during our prep. I give them away as thank you's to teachers who help me out.

5. We got Afton a potty watch. We are desperate. She poops her pants every single day. I am so tired of poop. The potty watch is working pretty good so far. We got it for her Saturday, so it will be interesting to see how it goes all week as she goes to four different places for daycare. We're hoping the potty watch will be a steady and reliable proceedure that will follow her wherever she goes. Oh please! Please say it will work!

Well that's all. It's time to go pump now. Thank you all for listening to me rant on and on!

My Babies are Seven Months!

I know, I know. I haven't updated in forever. It's probably not going to change. My life is insane 98.9% of the time! But I did manage to put together a cute little film strip of the twins that I took on their 7th month anniversary!

Ripley loves to sit, and can do so for quite a long time, happy as a clam. Scarlett refuses to do anything of the kind. Although, I did stand her up against furniture and she was all about it. And Ripley would NOT do it. So it makes me wonder if Scarlett will walk first!

They love solids. I got a Baby Bullet for Christmas and it's the best thing EVER. I just really like making their food and it saves me a lot of money. And the food is so much better. The other day I made them peach/apple, and I wanted to eat it myself!

I love them at this age--able to entertain themselves, but also immobile. Neither of them ever seem to flip over the other direction once they are on their bellies, so no rolling yet. Maybe they'll be like Afton and never roll over at all!

Well, seriously, that's all the time I have. I DID post on my Realscrappy blog with pictures of my new 2011 Yearbook that I just got in the mail, so feel free to check it out if you haven't already!

Christmas Heaven and Potty Training Hell

We had a fabulous holiday. I loved Christmas this year. Afton was a total blast. She totally got it, and she is seriously the funniest thing! I got a lot of really great stuff--surprisingly, I am totally LOVING my Nook, which I didn't expect. It's just so darn convenient! Trevor always does such a great job with my Christmases! Here are a few photos from our fun holiday!

The chaos at our annual Nielson Family Party.

Afton and Tyson bouncing on their "horsies" that my Mom gave them. Afton calls hers "Wilford."

Mom made had the grandkids all do a little act to "Rudoph the Red Nosed Reigndeer. Though why Rudoph's nose was in the middle of his forehead is a mystery to me...As you could predict, Afton LOVED performing for her family--probably more than any of the other grandkids!

 I had to include this one for those of you out there who remember my nephew Sam but haven't seen him in a while. Yeah, he's HUGE. Only 14 and over 6 feet tall! Certainly didn't get it from the Nielson side of the family!

My awesome sister Jen playing with Scarlett at Mom's party. I actually rarely held them at that party...

Our tree on Christmas Eve, after Santa came to visit.

Afton on Christmas morning in her Fairy gear, and playing with the microphone I got her. She loves it! Only...she tries to eat it more than sing into it...

Trevor's awesome grandmother, Luzenia, and his Dad, Stan. The babies got a lot of attention Christmas afteroon at Trevor's parents house!

I surprised Trevor with a new Lord of the Rings sword--this one is the Sword of Isildur.

Afton got some "Bitty Babies" from American Girl for Christmas. We HAD to get her her own set of twins! One that looks like Scarlett and one that looks like Ripley! Only, we named them Rose and Lily.

You know it's a successful Christmas when you get BOTH your mothers crying. My mom cried when she got the book I made her that had notes from all her Grandkids and her kids. It was called "I Love  You Because..." And then Karen cried because Stan, with Trevor's help, got her wedding rings re-made--her ring was stolen in Hawaii when Trevor was a little boy. She still had the band, but not the diamond ring. So Trevor picked the diamond and had his friend Ryan re-create both the ring and the band.

But, although Christmas was just heaven, the week following was pretty  much Hell. I am back at school today and TOTALLY ok with it. And that is because, starting December 26th, our campaign to potty train Afton began. It was the only time I had that I KNEW I would have a full week with her to really teach her to get it. Otherwise I'd have to wait until Spring Break. My other goal was to FINALLY get the twins to eat solids. They just always spit it out. It's taken them forever to learn something that Afton picked up after only a few tries!
And now, a week and a half later, I have a potty-trained kid and twins eating solids. And I am EXHAUSTED. A classroom full of 7th graders is a total piece of cake by comparison. But today was a big day because it's the first day that Afton went the whole day without an accident. I'm so proud of her! She's still in pull-ups at night, but she's getting through her naps, and most of the time she gets on the potty without our urging.
One thing that is hard about potty training is that EVERYONE has an opinion. On one hand, you want to ask for advice--your friends and family have done it themselves for their own children, and what better way to figure out how to do it than to ask those who have done it before? But the opinons on "the right way" are so diverse, and then of course every kid is different.

I decided to follow the advice of my mother-in-law on this. She purchased in ebook about 3-day potty training that she used to potty train my neice Madison. Totally worked. The problem I am have is that you need 3 days straight with no distractions--a tall order when I work full time and the kids go to FOUR different people for daycare. So I knew I had to do it over the break. Then Trevor would be home to help me. Because we had so many distractions, it took longer than three days--but she got better at it every day!
This is what bothers me most about potty-training advice. I'm so tired of people saying, "Just wait till she's "ready."

What does that really MEAN?

I am sure that if I wait and wait and wait, one day she'll be old enough and prepared to just choose to be potty trained and it will be done in a day. And I'm sure if it worked that way, she'd have far less accidents and it would be a lot easier for me. My sister's little girl did that before she was 18 months old. My other sister's little girl(s) did that at the age of 4. Well, I'm not waiting until Afton is 4!! I really don't think that "ready" means that they completely figure it out on their own without me having to teach her anything. I suppose I could wait until my twins are "ready" to eat solids when they are asking for it. But...no. I need to teach them how to eat solids, just like I need to teach Afton to use the potty. And if I choose to teach her, rather than waiting for her to teach herself, then I need to be prepared to have a hellish week, a few accidents, and constant worry that she's about to have one. Is it worth it? Heck yes. I spend approximately $40 a month on Afton's diapers. Add wipes, and that's about $500 a year. I'm just poor enough that I'd much rather use that money for something else. So yes, its worth it. Plus--only two bums to change now instead of three.

Afton is ready, in my book. She's intersted in potty training. Seems to understand the concept. She's watched her cousins and friends use it. She is physically capable of pulling down her pants and getting on the potty by herself. And she can certainly communicate with me when she needs to go. What else is there?

Thus began our long week. I almost gave up the first day, I was so frustrated. But I kept on--I would NOT let the first obstacle be my last. So we worked on it, and each day she got better. She is finally getting through her naps without an accident, and she is so proud of herself when she does it right! Stickers are like the greatest invention ever. She'll do practically anything for a sticker.

But I'll tell you what. I am so freaking sick of poop!

Tomorrow she will go back to daycare. I hope she does well. I hope we don't have to start all over once her schedule changes.

Well, there you go! Christmas Heaven and Potty Training Hell!

Afton the Performer

I love my little girl Afton. She is seriously such a little joy to me. It's so fun to watch her go through each stage, and she is growing up so fast! I guess that is what the oldest child gets--they are the first to do everything.

Afton has no fear. She loves talking to complete strangers. I love how she is young enough to not be afraid of anything. She doesn't care if the stranger she talks to is in a wheelchair or handicapped, if they are old or another race. She loves everyone. Though sometimes it scares me that she isn't afraid of strangers. How to teach her to be careful, but not lose that love she has for everyone?

She's just such an outgoing little thing. She loves music. Even in the womb, she would move a lot when music--particularly classical--was being played. This was not a phenomenon I experienced with the twins, though Ripley does seem to calm down quicker when you sing to her. When Afton hears music, she just has to dance! And she likes to sing along, even if she doesn't know the words. She sort of sings the last sound of each word as if she knows it. So cute.

So here's my new Afton story. On Saturday morning our ward had our ward Christmas breakfast. I almost didn't go because we were so tired and had three parties that day. But I love breakfast and I knew Afton would love. I couldn't guilt Trevor into it, however, so he stayed in bed while I packed up all three kids and went to the stake center.

At the breakfast, we sat at the end of one of the tables so I could get out easily and manage the twins. They had scheduled the West Jordan Madrigals to be there to perform, and they performed on the back half of the cultural hall, so we had front row seats. Afton was glued. She absolutely loved it. She somehow knew not to get out of her seat or go run around--she watched avidly, clapping heartily after each number, and sometimes, grasping the back of her chair while she shook her little booty. She just loved it!

The performance was excellent. When it finished, they left, and I resumed a conversation with the person next to me as I bounced both babies on my knees. Then someone said something--I looked up, and there was Afton. She was standing in the middle of the stage where the performers had just been, grinning ear to ear. And then--then she started to dance. She was totally into it. And because only seconds had passed since the performance ended, everyone was watching her and clapping. She loved it. There was my kid, performing in front of some 100 people, not remotely nervous!

By total chance, I had our flip camera in the pocket of my coat, from the night before when we went to the Festival of the Trees.(Where, by the way, she was WAY more interested in watching the performing group than looking at the trees!) So I managed to get a little of her performance on tape. But it totally does not capture fully how freaking funny it was. I love how she just grins when she's the center of attention. Remember her 2nd birthday when we started to sing and she started to grin ear to ear when she realized it was all for her? Yup. That's my girl. I wonder where she gets it?

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

 

Excuse the Mess, We're Making Memories

I saw this sign on Pinterest:

I've thought about it a lot. It's an idea that's been in my head for some time now--the idea that while I'm just keeping my head above water and trying to get through each day, paying bills, making dinner, making sure the house isn't a total wreck--in the meantime, my children are making memories. A normal day for me can be a turning point or an oft-repeated story for them when they get older.

Example:

ME: I'm in the playhouse one afternoon, sitting at the top of the slide, preparing to go down. Then, I notice at the bottom of the slide, SOMETHING is there. It looks like a snake. What if it's a snake??? Yes, it does look remarkably like a piece of jump rope or something...but WHAT IF IT'S A SNAKE??? What if I slide down and it gets me? This is not a chance I can take. The results would be too horrible. I need to be SURE it's not a snake. I sit there. I think. And then, I remember that there is one person whose always on my side and will make sure I'm ok and that the snake doesn't get me. "MOM!!!" I scream. No answer. Mom is inside and probably can't hear me. "MOM!!!!" I yell again. And again. For quite some time. Suddenly Mom is there. I tearfully and disjointedly explain that there's a snake at the bottom of the slide. Mom reaches up and picks me up from the slide and carries me, crying, into the house. As I pass the slide I get a better look at the snake. It is only a piece of jumprope. I'm sure glad Mommy rescued me anyway.

This is how I remember it. I'm sure my mother, on the other hand, has totally forgotten this incidence. Now that I'm a mom, I think I can imagine how her side of the story went.

MOM: Crap. I've got to get these dishes washed before the kids come home from school. Oh, and I've got to switch the laundry over. Where did I put that other glove I found? Was that Megan crying? Huh. Oh, there it is. I'll put it up here in the closet. Now for that laundry. Wait--was that Megan crying? I guess I'd better go look. She's in the backyard by herself. Man, I've only got five minutes and they'll all be home and wanting a snack. Oh yes, there she is. What in the world is she crying about? "Are you ok honey? A snake? That's not a snake. Come inside." Now what can I make them for lunch?

To my mother, this was just a normal incidence on a normal day. To me, it became a memory I still carry with me thirty years later. Why do I remember it? Why is this particular memory still there? Is it because I learned that Mommy will always save me? That I shouldn't be afraid? That some things appear worse than they really are? I don't know. But that day, Mom was doing the dishes, and I was making a memory.

And now I am the mom, and I wonder what is happening each day that, for me, will be insignificant and forgotten, and for them will be something they remember forever?

 I remember going up to Oregon to visit family as a child--it was a magical place. We'd spend hours chasing barn cats, wandering the farm, playing in the irrigation ditch. Now, I go up as the adult. And I just sit and visit with everyone and thoroughly enjoy myself, not really paying attention to what all the noisy kids are up to--as long as they aren't crying or bleeding, I'm good. I don't really realize that they are off--having adventures, creating memories they will always cherish, while my conversations with relatives, while enjoyable, will likely be forgotten forever.

Some people spend their entire lives trying to "get over" their childhood. But I was one of the lucky ones that had a wonderful childhood. I grew up in a loving home and was taken care of and loved. I remember my childhood as magical. Can I really make my children's childhood as magical as mine? Can I make my home the comfortable, loving, friendly place that my own home was, growing up? Or is this a magic I even create? Don't children create the magic themselves?

We were watching slides at my parent's house the other day. One of my sisters noted the clock that was in the background of one of the slides--it was the clock that hung in our kitchen for most of my childhood. And we were all like, "Oh! Remember that clock! Wow! Look at that clock!" And mom is probably like "it's just a clock I got for my wedding. Big deal." Was the clock magical? No--it was just our memories that made it that way. It was just a symbol that reminded us of a simpler time when we were comfortable, happy, and loved.

I feel this pressure to give my little girls what was given to me--a backyard that has good grass and a big playhouse and an interesting layout where they can dream and imagine and play with their friends. Right now my grass is so course and gross that you can't walk on it with bare feet, and we can hardly afford to fix it right now. I feel so bad that I'm not giving them what was given me. I'm so worried that they won't have the magical memories that I had.

But then I have an evening where we're all playing together--I'm stealing Afton's nose and she's running to Daddy, and he picks her up and "hides" her from me while I try to get at her, all the time she's letting out peals of laughter. Trevor and I hold the babies facing each other, and they giggle as we fly them around the room in our arms, Afton in the background trying to fly too. Afton goes to Grandma's house and plays in Grandpa's shop--which she talks about non-stop on the way home. Or she goes to her other Grandma's and reads an Elmo book, crying and crying when I come to take her home. These are different memories than the ones I had. And I don't know which ones she'll take with her into her adulthood. I guess all I can do is make sure that most of them are as happy and comfortable and loving as I can. All I can do is make absolutely sure that she and her sisters know they are loved, that we will do anything to make sure they are taken care of and happy, and that, when the sad times come or when they are scared, we still have each other. I think that has it's own kind of magic--the kind of magic that settles over an ordinary day and makes it into a learning opportunity and a memory that lasts a lifetime.

So even when life is a little bit messy--and my house isn't so clean--it's ok, isn't it? We're all just making memories!

Halloween

MY.LIFE.IS.CRAZY!!!!

Here's a picture of my girls, Little Bo Peep and her sheep for Halloween. Its the best I can do right now!

Five Minutes of My Life...