You know what? I'm not cool anymore.
I am totally lame. I'm just a mean, tired, OLD junior high teacher. I'm the one who yells at them in the hallway for swearing. I'm the one that doesn't dress up for Halloween, and won't join in the fun at school dances. When did this happen to me?
As a first year teacher, I was so friggin' awesome. I had so much joy and love for what I did--I still do, but just not in the same way. Man, the stuff I did when I was new at this. I just played with the kids. Like when I'd pull out my big red plastic bat and have kids pitch wads of paper at me so I could hit it around the room. Or the time I snuck a picture of Mr. Barton, then Photoshopped him (with students watching) to look all fat, then printed 40 copies and let the kids make paper airplanes out of it. Then we chucked them in his room. I was funny. I'd read the announcements in accents. My whole class stuffed into my back room to hide from another teacher. We turned all Barton's desks upside down while he was at lunch, then he pennied my door and we couldn't open it. Every period was stand up commedian time, and I loved it.
I don't do any of that anymore. I could, I know, but I don't really feel like it. On Thursday I had an Auction with my CTE Intro kids, and somehow I was just in this hyper mood. I was cracking jokes right and left. And they all laughed their heads off and had no idea who this new teacher was. Am I really that boring? Have I lost something here? I mean, how long can you be the funny cool teacher? Isn't there a point where you are just too old to pull it off?
I usually love Halloween at school, though the other teachers hate it. I dress up. I join the kids dancing. Usually I have my ballroom kids there and I dance a couple of swings. Trevor used to come too, both of us in costume. But today? Today was awful. The kids were obnoxious. I didn't dress up. I don't do ballroom anymore, so there were no boys trained to dance. (And, might I add, that when I DID do ballroom, kids actually danced at the dances. Once a few of my kids started, the other kids would realize it's ok, and they'd dance too. Today? NO ONE DANCED)
I walked around and yelled at kids. Well, no mostly I took pictures. But then when this group of about 10 hoochies started grinding with each other, I had to become the "bad guy" and break it up, then cart them off to the principal's office when they kept doing it. Really, it was quite disgusting. I've never seen girls behave so badly at a dance. They were all dressed so slutty--somehow their more modest costumes from 1st period became shorter and lower and by the end of the day. They flaunted everything they had--and didn't have--not at the guys--at each other. It was amazing to see these girls just totally go after each other. Unbelievable. Has it been this way always, and I never noticed because I was having fun and playing? Is it the mean boring old teacher in me that has me noticing this behavior and yelling all day to stop it? Or...maybe this 9th grade class is just plain nasty?
At any rate, I feel bad that I am taking my job for granted. I know that if the day ever comes that I quit and stay home, I will miss the classroom terribly. I love what I do. I really do. I just think that as you get older, the way you do it changes. Am I wrong? Oh well. Who cares. It's the weekend. Job? What job?
Brooklynn turns 2
1 year ago