Stay At Home vs. Working Moms

Moms tend to fall into one of two categories: Working Mom and Stay At Home Mom. I think that sometimes, each category envies the other, and sometimes, they feel sorry for the other. I've heard complaints from SAHM's that WM's don't respect their time. "Would you pick up Billy for me and keep in for two hours until I get home? Again? Thanks!" Because, if you are a SAHM, you obviously having nothing better to do, right? And then there's the other side--"Oh, it must be SO HARD to be away from your kids. I could never do it." And you're like--"yeah, because I'm a crappy mom who doesn't really love her kids."

Anyway, that's really not what this post is about, and I don't want to offend anyone. You see, I'm a hybrid of these two. Many women are--like women who work part-time. As a teacher, I get nine months of working mom, and 3 months stay at home mom. Last summer I was with my brand new baby. Trevor was still unemployed, so I had his help. We were together constantly. So somehow--that doesn't really count. It didn't quite prepare me for the adjustment I am going through right now.

You know what? Going to work is EASIER. That's my conclusion. I guess it helps that I really love my job and feel fulfilled and appreciated (most of the time.) But I'll tell you what--these last few weeks have taught me that a day at home makes me ten times more tired than a day at work. And I only have one kid! The idea of doubling this is a bit scary! Today I worked out and then cleaned like a madwoman. Afton was constantly underfoot, or she was off and silent (even worse) and when I'd find her, all my hard work was completely gone as I observed the mess she made. I am walking like an old woman. My feet are so sore and my calves burn. (Not sure why--I didn't even work my legs today! Do pushups make your legs hurt? Hmmmm...)

But I love that I get to experience both worlds. I hope that can help me have appreciation for both worlds--that I can respect my neighbors time and energy, and know that they are all working hard--whether they work or not. I look at my friend Brook, who watches Afton during the school year. This woman has five children. She is so busy all day long. I can't even begin to imagine the cooking and cleaning it takes to keep up with a husband and five children! And yet, she's managed to take the time to teach her children--to spend time with them and teach them well. She has incredible kids. She works just as hard--harder--than any working mom I know.

But does that mean that, if I work, I can't have great kids like that? I think of my sister-in-law Andrea. She works at a dental office--she's a full time working mom. And she has two of the most fantastic girls. Actually--I can't fairly praise Andrea and not praise my other sister-in-law Becky. She works full time too--and her kids are awesome. These women have both learned to balance their careers with raising their kids. They know what's important--when they come home, work stays at work. And maybe they are just a little more grateful for the time they get to spend with them.

One of the best things about being the youngest in my family--and Trevor being the youngest in his, is that we have so many great examples to follow. Each of my sisters has some pretty amazing parenting skills that I can observe and learn from. Up until now, parenting has pretty much been keeping Afton alive and healthy. Now as she gets older, we have to do more. We have to begin to really TEACH her--everything from manners to her colors, to reading, to the gospel. It's overwhelming. And thank goodness for the amazing women in my life who have shown me that it doesn't matter whether you are working or stay at home--it's the quality of time you spend with your kids that make them into amazing people. Thank you!

How Do I Make it Pay?

So this last week I taught a digital scrapbooking class at the business teacher conference. I was so excited that they asked me to do TWO sessions of it--apparently they anticipated that it would be a very popular class. I was so glad--I get paid for two sessions instead of just one! Anyway, the class went well, and it WAS very well attended. It was nice to teach a room full of business teachers that are computer savvy, so that even if they don't know Photoshop--they are definately profficient on the computer. I don't have to spend forever making sure they know how to open a document. Also, they have easy access to the program--one of the biggest problems when teaching Photoshop. People want to learn it, but they don't want to pony up the cash to buy it. As business teachers, they can easily get it at least on their work computer using their funding. So that was nice.

One hour was definately NOT enough time! There was so much to talk about! But I realized a couple of things at this conference. I learned that I am actually pretty darn knowlegeable about Photoshop. Here I'm in a room full of people who are computer savy and some who already know the program somewhat--and my knowledge was far above the average. I didn't know that--I compare myself to the people online who make the kits and the actions, who are total whizes. Well, I'm not THAT good, but I'm certainly qualified. And I'm a teacher--trained to teach. And I'm trained to teach how to use computer programs. Its what I do every day.

So here I am, with this skill that few people have and a LOT of people want to learn. WHY CAN'T I GET PAID FOR IT???? How can I find a way to make this talent pay? I've been racking my brains. I contacted adult education in my area--they told me that they are closing down most of their classes because their funding comes from Jordan District--and of course, there's no more funding for anything in Jordan District. Do you think that people want to learn this skill? Would they be willing to pay? Not that I'd charge very much--like $5 or $10 per class. I can't teach it in my lab at school, because I don't have Photoshop. I'd have to use a high school lab. And then there would be a fee to "rent" the room. I don't know. I'm just pushing the idea around in my head. Any ideas?

Thoughts on Summer (so far)

I go through this every year--the huge change that is the summer. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE this change. It's amazing to me how quickly I get used to it. How soon I start to look back and think, "oh yeah. I have a job. Am I really a teacher?" This year is a little different, though, because summer doesn't mean weeks and weeks of me, me, me. Now it's weeks and weeks of Afton, Afton, Afton.

And you know what? I LOVE IT!!

This is not to say that by August I might feel ready to go back to work--after all, teaching junior high is much easier than being a full time mom. But right now I'm loving this. Afton has gotten a lot clingier to me. It's like she's realized Mommy is home all the time now, and whenever I take her somewhere she's afraid she's going to be left behind!

I have so much TIME. I make a goal to clean one big thing a day. Today I scrubbed the bathroom and vacummed the whole downstairs. And did a pile of laundry. But I still had plenty of time to spend with my baby. When I'm working, I only have a few precious hours--I'm lucky if the dishwasher gets loaded.

Next week I'm teaching at a business teacher conference. I WAS looking forward to it. Now it's like--wait...isn't that WORK? My mind is TOTALLY not focused on it! I hope I'm prepared! Good thing I did most of the preparation already, before school ended and my brain pretty much went into hibernation.

So here's some photos of my baby girl playing in the sprinklers. Well, she wasn't that interested in the sprinklers--she was all about the spigot. I love that one of her crying! I can't remember why she was grumpy, but I think it's a funny shot--especially with Tarzan watching calmly in the background...

Memorial Day 2010

It's the calm before the storm. That last day of anything remotely resembling order. Tomorrow there will be activities all day, and the 9th graders will be at Lagoon, and craziness will reign. So today instead of having my kids do an assignment or something, I am just letting them play games all period. The advantage to having a computer lab. This leaves me with a lot of time to write on my blog. So I'm going to post pictures of our trip to Loa for Memorial Day!

Unfortunately, I don't have the SD card with our videos on it here--that's at home. So no video today. But here are some photos!

There were a few unpleasant bumps, but overall it was a very fun weekend. I look forward to Memorial Day every year. It's a big deal in Trevor's family. This year was particularly difficult, since Trevor's Grandpa passed away in December. Last year, he was at the cemetary with us, visiting the graves. This year, we saw his headstone for the first time. I totally bawled. He was such a great man. Every year the American Legion chooses the grave of a veteran to honor and play taps over. This year, they chose Grandpa, who fought in World War 2. Was an honor. It was very emotional. (To everyone except Afton, who kept running off until they shot the guns. I was holding her ears real tight, but she sure quieted down after that!)

We also went to Capitol Reef with the family and walked the Grand Wash. It's about a mile and a half, and I didn't think we'd make it the whole way with Afton, but she was a total trooper! She only struggled at the very end. We got some fabulous shots!

The worst part was when Afton fainted. That night, she was playing in the corner while we all talked. Suddenly she was crying--no ones knows why. No one heard her hit her head or anything. She stretched on the floor crying, held her breath, and then fainted for a few seconds. Scared the crap out of us. She went to bed really easy that night, and we were constantly checking on her. She slept 12 hours, and in the morning she was lethargic and had a fever of 101. She was pretty normal at the cemetary after that, only she fell and hit her head and got a bruise. I was surprised at the bruise because I totally saw her fall and it wasn't that bad.

On the way home she slept the whole way, though she woke of a lot. It was a very fitful sleep. Once home she was quiet. She wouldn't eat very good. When we put her down for a nap, she fell asleep right away, and we had to wake her up two hours later. Then she was even MORE lethargic, and we were nervous enough to take her to Instacare, who referred us to the ER. But she started to pep up, and the ibuproffin helped her a lot. Her fever went down. The doctor wasn't sure what tests to do. We did a chest x-ray--worst torture I've EVER seen her have to go through! After that, we were done. We didn't think she needed any more tests. We'll take her to the doctor on Thursday and see how she's doing. Today she's awake and alert and happy, but her fever is 100. Anyway, that was a fun part of the trip. My poor baby girl!

Well, that's all for now!

Seven Days - Seven Thoughts

So, as of tomorrow, there are SEVEN days of school left. Actually, six and a half. WAHOO!!! This is SO my favorite time of year! It's hard to imagine spending entire days at home, with nothing to worry about but cleaning my house, keeping Afton happy, cooking dinner, going shopping, making appointments, finding babysitters, trying to get stuff done while a baby clings to my legs, wondering if Afton will EVER go down for a nap...hmmm...not so sure about this summer thing now. Anyway, in honor of seven days of school, here are seven random thoughts. No, this makes no real sense but I don't care.

1. Trevor is in school this summer. He won't get a break from school until he finishes nursing school in 2013--if everything goes according to plan. Poor guy. School sucks. And THEN he forgot to register on time so he ended up with awful classes at night. So pretty much the whole summer we can't do anything on week days. Either he works until 8:00 or has class until 10:00. Sucks SO bad.

2. Today I apologized on some kid's wall on Facebook for something I did in the 4th grade. We're friends on facebook, but not really FRIENDS. But I remembered how in 4th grade I was mad that he always got ALL the answers right on our timed math timestables, so when we switched papers to grade, I changed a few answers. Just so he wouldn't get 100%. He called me on it, but I denied it. What rotten thing to do, huh? And 20 years later I still remember it. So I apologized on his wall today. Bet he thinks I'm psycho.

3. I love reading my old journals lately. Right now I'm reading my mission journal. Fascinating. I served in South Africa. I found myself crying at one point--remembering a story about how my companion, Sister Valore, helped a poor boy one day. He was always begging outside a store we often frequented. Ragged clothes--he was about 12. And she just said enough is enough. She brought him in the store and told him to pick five things. Everyone watched. I thought he'd pick candy. No. He picked bread, fruit, meat, and milk. And only when Valore nodded at him did he pick an ice cream bar. Everyone in the store had tears in their eyes. I was bawling when I read it. How could I forget a story like that?

4. I won an award at school. I am the CTE Teacher of the Year for Jordan School District. Cool huh? Of course, no one knows because it was never announced. They announced in an email today that the son of one of the teachers won State. But no one mentioned I won an award. Should this bother me? Cause it does. But it was so nice to have some recognition by my district. I got a plaque and went to a banquet and everything. After two weeks of bugging the head janitor to put it up in my room, I got one of the other janitors to do it. Thank you, Hope.

5. Afton went to bed at 7:10 tonight. Can you believe that? Who IS this kid? That's a total first. Bless you, Baby.

6. I am teaching at a conference this summer. Its the business teacher conference. I always go--it's such a good conference. I offered to teach a class on Keyboarding Games, and one on Digital Scrapbooking. And they accepted both! And I'm teaching digital scrapbooking twice! Yay! I love teaching at this conference. Such amazing people. It's so great to get together with hundred of people who do the same thing you do. You learn so much!

7. I'm going to Loa this weekend! Hooray! I love going to Loa. We go every Memorial Day. Only this year will be really hard because Trevor's Grandpa passed away in December, and it will be hard to not have him there. It will be hard to visit his grave, instead of having him with us. It makes me REALLY sad. I mean, I cry over it. It's like he was MY grandpa. Maybe it's becuase he's so much like Trevor. What a great man he was! Still--it will be nice to get away for the weekend. And when I come back? Only THREE MORE DAYS! And the last day there is no 7th graders and since 90% of my kids are 7th graders--it's practically only TWO MORE DAYS!!

Ok, I'm done. Sorry this was random. But oh well.

Complainer or Problem Solver?

So I've been told by someone I work with (who is in a position of authority) that I am a complainer. This really hurt my feelings. I mean, I was ready to cry. And for the last week I've been thinking a lot about this accusation. One thing about me is that whenever I come across something new about myself--whether positive or negative--I find myself somewhat fascinated. I can honestly say that when I recieve a critisim, I take a great deal of time thinking about it, deciding if it's relevent, finding examples of it in my past, and concluding whether it's accurate and if and what I should do about it. This critisism was no different. However hurt I feel about the way it was delivered, I have to ask myself if it's true.

I mean, we ALL complain. I think people are labeled complainers when they complain to the wrong people--to people who don't care or don't listen. I mean, I tell my husband all my concerns, and HE certainly wouldn't call me a complainer. But if you've got that lady in the office that is constantly harping about everything, and you have no real relationship with her--you are more likely to be unsympathetic and label her a complainer. So--AM I a complainer?

I've thought a lot about it. I've thought of the specific things I have complained about to this particular person. I certainly won't go into detail about what they are on a public blog, but I feel that with few exceptions, most of my "complaints" have been valid concerns. I've brought them up to this person, and because they don't genuinely care about me or my needs, they are labeled as complaints. Where this person sees "complainer" I see "problem solver." If I see something wrong, I'm going to speak up. I'm going to try and fix it.

Some people, when placed in a difficult situation, or when a concern arises--they don't say anything. They don't rock the boat. They sit back and take it. Many of my co-workers are like this. And they are like this because they knew there are people like me who will speak up for them--and take the consequences of doing so. I know all people are different and not everyone can be the spokesman, but I cannot be like those people. But apparently, that is what is expected of me.

So I'm looking back at all the times I've "complained." And I ask myself--did I just complain, or was I offering solutions? I guess that's the real difference, isn't it? My goal is that from here on out, when I speak up about a problem, I will also offer a solution--or at least make it clear that I am seaking a solution, not just venting frustration. I can vent frustrations at home to people who care about me. But not to an authority figure. I don't know that the difference will be noticed or appreciated by said authority figure, but there's not much I can do about that. I can only look at how I can improve myself, and do my best to do it. I just hope I actually DO do it!

Jordan District says "You can't have a baby. And don't get cancer."

You know, I've been dealing with a lot of crap from my district. I've listened to arguments and problems all year about cutting teachers pay, and jobs, and all the crap they need to do to balance the budget. I understand that the money has to come from SOMEWHERE. I know the board has a really, really hard job. I feel for them--no matter what they do, everyone's mad. I get that. And I was relieved when teacher jobs were saved, without raising taxes--though I would had supported a tax increase.

But now, I'm livid. Because with the new budget proposal out yesterday, Jordan District has basically said, "YOU CAN'T HAVE A BABY. YOU CAN'T GET CANCER. YOU CAN'T GET SICK."

How did they say this? They are eliminating the Sick Bank. This is a fund where every teacher donates two of their sick days into a big pool. Then, if you have a special need and don't have the sick days to cover it, you can APPLY to get some of the days out of the sick bank. This is really useful for teachers who have cancer or some other awful disease. And I used 8 days of sick bank last year when I had Afton. Becauase, you see, JSD makes you use EVERY SINGLE SICK DAY you have, before they will let you use the sick bank. So after you give birth, you have NO MORE sick days until the next school year. So what do you do when your baby gets sick? Or when you get an infection? What the crap do you do?

Well, you take unpaid leave I suppose. It's very expensive. They don't just take from your paycheck what you would have made that day--no, they take some of your summer money too. If you work 180 days a year, they take 1/180th of your pay. So it's very expensive, especially if you are taking several weeks. The next time I have a baby (and NO I'm NOT pregnant!) I will have to take eight weeks for a C-Section. 8 weeks--that's what? Seven thousand dollars? Are you friggin' kidding me?

Ok, I know. There are probably a lot of jobs out there that don't give paid maternity leave. Maybe I'm just a complainer. Maybe I should be grateful I got it last time. Maybe I should just have a baby in the summer. And maybe I won't be able to get pregnant when I want to, and then my baby will cost me $7,000. Or, in other words, MY HOUSE. Cause if I have no income for 8 weeks, I can't make my house payment. So there's my choices. I can keep my house and have no more children, or I can have a child and lose everything else.

Being a mom puts me at a huge disadvantage. The district is full of teachers who are older without kids, who never use a sick day and have accumulated YEARS worth. And yet if you are a mom, you have maternity leave and sick kids and yet you don't get any extra days. They can't just give you "maternity" days. They make you use every day you've got. I think it's total discrimination.

So thank you, JSD. You didn't cut my pay, and I thank you. But I'll still lose my house one way or another.