To the Fathers in My Life

I was listening to a radio station the other day that was talking about Father's Day and how it's not such a big deal as Mother's Day. People on average spend much less on Father's Day gifts than they do on Mother's Day. Among the many predictions from the commentators as to why this is, neither of them mentioned what I thought it might be. There are less dads. Many more children grow up without a father than they do a mother. Out of curiosity, I checked some statistics on fatherless children in America:

• In a study of 146 adolescent friends of 26 adolescent suicide victims, teens living in single-parent families are not only more likely to commit suicide but also more likely to suffer from psychological disorders, when compared to teens living in intact families.
• Teenagers living in single-parent households are more likely to abuse alcohol and at an earlier age compared to children reared in two-parent households
• In a study of 700 adolescents, researchers found that "compared to families with two natural parents living in the home, adolescents from single-parent families have been found to engage in greater and earlier sexual activity.
• Children with fathers at home tend to do better in school, are less prone to depression and are more successful in relationships. Children from one-parent families achieve less and get into trouble more than children from two parent families.
• The economic consequences of a [father's] absence are often accompanied by psychological consequences, which include higher-than-average levels of youth suicide, low intellectual and education performance, and higher-than-average rates of mental illness, violence and drug use
  
  http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html

We truly live in a world where having an absent father or no father at all is becoming more and more common. I feel so grateful that this is not the case for me, or for my children. I know that sometimes this is unavoidable and not the fault of the women affected by it--I don't mean to point fingers at single mothers, because I totally respect what they are doing. And am mystified by how they manage at all. But I am just so grateful for the great men in my life.

My dad is awesome. Everyone loves him. When I was growing up, several of my friends who did not have fathers or did not have close relationships with their fathers tended to adopt my dad. Dad is the kind of man that everyone feels comfortable around. He may seem shy, but he's not really. He can talk to just about anybody. Everyone likes my dad. Even as a child, when reprimanded and crying in my room and feeling really sorry for myself, I would often say, "I hate everyone!" And then quickly amend this with, "Except Dad!" You just can't hate my dad. He's honest, hard-working, and loving. He is always ready to give you a hug--and he gives awesome hugs.

My dad was always there, always reliable, always AROUND. He went out on his own with his cabinetry business when I was about four, and he works in the shop in our backyard. So he's always been home and accessible to me. Dad is always there. How lucky I was to have him home every day as I was growing up--to know there was always a parent nearby. Mom was always around too--he and my mom have an awesome bond. They don't seem to ever get sick of each other. They spend A LOT of time together. They just ENJOY each other. So many couples find it hard to adjust at retirement or when their kids move out, unsure of what to do with just each other. This never seemed to happen to them. They are just so compatible. Trevor and I have a very similar marriage, for which I am so grateful.

I love my dad so much. I think what I learned most from him is what it looks like to work hard and love your life. Work isn't ugly or undesirable--its something to take pride in. And my Dad, a total Master Craftsman with wood, takes pride in the work he does. Whether it's building a kitchen, growing a pumpkin, or playing music on his guitar. Dad knows how to take joy in the simple things, and not dwell on what he does not have or feel depressed for bad things that may have happened to him. Life is beautiful and simple for him, and it doesn't take a lot of money, fame or attention to keep him happy. He's a man who can find complete solace and joy in watching a sunset or staring at the birds in the bird feeder for twenty minutes. He finds the simple things fascinating--and that is truly a great gift. I think to be happy with you have, while still striving to improve, is a great way to find happiness in this life.
**I realized when I was writing this that I couldn't think of a single picture I had with just me and my dad! So I took one with him last night when I visited him for father's day. This is my favorite one:

And then there is my husband.

How did I get such a great guy? Seriously? What would I do without him? But this is about father's day, not husband day. He's a great husband, and much like my own father, but Trevor is an absolutely phenomenal father. He isn't the type to come home, play with the kids a minute, then leave it up to me. He is hands on. He gets it done, a lot of times much better than I can. Afton absolutely adores him. She almost always prefers him to me. He's so gentle and sweet with her, but he's not a softie either--he will discipline her when she needs it, without totally losing his temper. But I just love how much he loves her. He can play with her forever. His patience with her is never ending.

I CANNOT wait to see him with our new little ones. I remember when I was anticipating Afton's birth, one of the things I looked forward to the most was seeing his expression when they put that baby in his arms. How crushed I was when it became clear that I would have to have a c-section, and would not get to see that moment. After a quick look at her, they sent me off to the recovery room, and Trevor got to be with his little girl--without me. But he still got his moment, even if I wasn't there to see it. And I'm sure this is how it will be again when the twins arrive in a few weeks (days? please?) and he has that special one-on-one--well, in this case, one-on-two, time with them. But it's ok. I'm sure that no matter what I do, they will worship him as much as Afton does. Why? Because the love he has for his children is so real and tangible--he treasures them and they can feel that. He's not afraid to cry or be emotional. He's not afraid to stand up and be the authority. Pride has no place in his parenting--it is all about the best interest of his child. And I love that about him. I loved him with all my heart when we were dating. I loved him even more after we got married. But having children with him has multiplied that love beyond anything I ever knew possible. With each new child, the love just gets bigger and bigger. We created these children together--they would not exist without us--and they make us feel so complete.

In a world where good men seem to be so hard to find, where bad behavior in men is often excused and accepted and considered unavoidable, somehow I have been fortunate enough to be raised by and then married to two of the most amazing men God had to offer. Why I received this blessing I do not know--I am certainly no more deserving of it than anyone else. But I am truly grateful for these amazing men and what they have taught me. Love the simple things, love your children, love each other--and no matter what happens to you, you can still be happy. I love you two!