A Nielson Girl Through and Through

My mother had five daughters in seven years. I always knew me and my sisters were close in age, but it wasn't until I became a mother myself that I realized a little more fully the horror my mother must have felt when she found out she was pregnant AGAIN. I remember holding Afton when she was four months old thinking, "My sister Nicki was this old when Mom found out she was pregnant with me. Horrors!" I couldn't imagine being pregnant at that moment--I would have been absolutely flabbergasted to find out I was.

My mother didn't intend to have five girls so quickly. I don't think any of us were really "planned." It reminds me of a quote from Homer Simpson, "You don't plan to have children. They just happen!" Yes, I know this is not true for all women--but it appears to be for Nielson women.

We got pregnant with these babies on our first try, the first month. It was the same with Afton. When I found out I was pregnant--still not totally sure I wanted to be--I said, "The only reason I don't have five children by now is that birth control is better than it was in the 70's!" I know that I were in the 70's, I would be just like my mother and have kids that fast. I'm a Nielson girl that way.

Well, I'm a Nielson girl in another way. I wonder what my mother thought when she gave birth to especially her last three of us--and it was ANOTHER GIRL. I know she didn't even have a boy name chosen for me, her last, and unplanned, daughter. She had accepted her fate by then. My sister Aundi is the same way--four daughters, and she was just as fully prepared on the fourth that she would probably never have a son.

And so it is with me. I am truly a Nielson girl through and through. I found out yesterday that my twins are BOTH girls. Now I'll have THREE girls!

My feelings on this are mixed.

On one hand, I've actually always said that I could see myself with all girls. That I'd be much more upset to have all boys and no daughter, than all daughters and no son. And although you continuously hear "boys are easier" I'm not so sure this is true for me. I grew up with girls. I "get" girls, whereas boys are a complete unknown to me. I am not very good at playing with boys. I don't really understand them very well. And really, what's cuter than twin girls? I love the idea of having three little girls. I love picturing Trevor with his little girls. Last night he was playing barbies with Afton and it was the cutest thing ever.

On the other hand, it puts us in a difficult position. Trevor really does want a son. And now we have to make one of two very difficult choices: Accept that this is our last pregnancy and not ever have a son, or, have another pregnancy and HOPE that we get a boy. I know--I'm not the first to have to make such a decision. It's as common as...cheese. But, my age does complicate things. I couldn't even THINK about getting pregnant again until I'm 35 or 36, and that scares the crap out of me. So many more things can go wrong. And I'd be changing diapers at 38. And my kids wouldn't be out of the house until I'm like 55. And I would most likely be like my sister Aundi and get a 4th girl anyway. But then--four girls! That would be SO cute!

Anyway, yes. I'm having two girls. We don't even have a second girl name picked out! For some reason, I just didn't think I was going to get two girls. And now I'm feeling so guilty, as if I didn't want this second girl that I don't even have a name for her. I want to choose one quickly--she deserves a name and she is very much wanted!! But choosing a name is really hard--Trevor is so freaking picky and he doesn't like ANYTHING. And he won't BUDGE on Ripley. That is a set thing. I like it a lot, but I'd change it if I thought of something I liked better. Well, there's my thoughts on having two little girls. But oh! I can't wait to buy twin clothes for them! Whether they are identical or not (and they probably aren't but we don't know) I will OCCASIONALLY dress them the same. But not all the time.

And let me very clear--as much as I wanted a boy for the sake of my husband--I VERY MUCH want BOTH of my little girls!! We BOTH do!