Reality Begins...Tomorrow...

I'm sitting here on the eve of reality, and I'm not liking it one bit. When I think of everything I have to do tomorrow, and the day after that, and for the next few YEARS, I am so completely overwhelmed. On December 1st Trevor and I were due to fly to Las Vegas for a conference for my work. It made sense to schedule our first appointment with the doctor that day since we are both home. Oh how glad I am that Trevor was there with me at that appointment!

As you know, the doctor informed us that we are having twins.

And then we embarked on a four-day vacation in the most unrealistic of cities, Las Vegas. The last few days have been a whirl. We keep looking at eachother and mouthing, "twins!" because we can hardly believe it. In Vegas we told loads of people about our exciting news--complete strangers--because it never gets old. People are always so excited and delighted for you. We went out to eat, walked the strip, attended museums, and had a fabulous time. During the day I went to the conference, and in the evening Trevor and Adam, (the husband of another teacher who went with us, about the same age) hung out all day at the strip.

We knew, of course, that when we got home we'd have to face the reality of our situation. We'd have to sit down and hammer out the finances, and figure out exactly how screwed we are--and yes, we ARE screwed. There is no possible way we can afford these babies without help. Would I change it? Oh no. I'm absolutely ennamored of these babies already! But still, the practical side of me kept reminding me that coming home would be difficult. I'd come home to laundry, dishes, and ornery (but adorable) baby, three days of missing work and students to catch up, straightening out our finances after the trip, figuring out how to get a new key cut for my Toyota--which WILL NOT start with the key now (a fact we learned at the SLC airport. 20 minutes of trying before it finally turned. ) And of course, the reality that we REALLY ARE having twins. That Trevor is starting nursing school the same month they will be born, and will be working and going to school for two years. That our daycare is going to go from $260 a month to at least $600 (if we are lucky), and that there is no visible way of lowering our monthly expenses without taking out tons of student loans. I had planned, of course, on winning a million dollars at the slot machines, but about $10 later it hadn't happened so I gave up.

But that's tomorrow. Tonight is Sunday. I've got laundry in. The dishwasher is running. Trevor is playing with an obnoxious and demanding Afton downstairs. I don't want to think about the daunting task of paying for and taking care of three children under three. I want to pray that they will be both be born healthy and on time. I want to imagine holding their tiny little bodies against me and know that here is the rest of my family, in one neat little package. I want to hope that my body can handle this, that I can carry them to term and give birth as easily as possible. Is that too much to ask? Can't I just focus on the joy of being a twin mom, of knowing that the Lord has trusted me with these tiny little spirits? Can I let go and just let the Lord help me find a way to make it all possible? It seems completely impossible right now. I am trying very hard not to freak out completely. I had it all planned out--and this was not the plan at all. And now I have to rely completely on faith. And the charity of friends and neighbors and the United States Government. But despite the stress and the edge of hysteria, not to mention the double morning sickness, I am happy about it all. We'll find a way to make it work. They are coming--and we are going to be ready for them!