The Goldfish Story

So I feel really bad that I don't even THINK to post funny stories when they happen to me. And I really wish I was as good as Jodster and remembered to take in-action photos during the entire event. I realized that this event, which happend over a week ago, might be a fun addition to my blog. This, my friends, is the Goldfish story.
As you know, I teach 7th graders. Every quarter we do this huge project where the kids make soap. See that link for details. After they make their soap as a group, we have a big Soap Fair in the media center, where the kids set up their table and display their soap and poster. Three classes come through and vote on their favorite soap, and each time they get a vote, it counts as a sale. Well, I also allow the kids to give away candy or whatever in order to improve their sales. This quarter I had a kid get the brilliant idea of giving away live goldfish. Now, he didn't actually clear it with me, if it would be ok to give away live animals. He just brought them.

So I go over to his table to see what they are doing. It's 4th period, so about midway through the day. He's got this cardboard box, and in the box is a goldfish bowl full of goldfish--most of which are dead, because these poor buggers have been in his locker all day.

And all goldfish do pretty much is die anyway.

So it's too late to stop him now. He's got these ziploc bags and he's putting a fish in them to give to kids who vote for their soap. What the crap these kids are going to do with a bag full of water and a half-dead fish for the rest of the day is beyond me. Probably put them in THEIR lockers, where they can have a sad end like their brothers before them.

The next morning during 2nd period, we are calculating scores to see who made the most money at the Soap Fair. (This kid's group, by the way, actually made the most money in his class...guess the fish worked.) So during 2nd period I go in my backroom to get something. Lots of the kids put stuff back there after the fair to pick up later. Apparently, this kid did too. He thought it would be a great idea to keep a couple of his dead fish in there.

So it stinks to high heaven as soon as I open the door. My girly 7th graders are all covering their noses, even though they are on the opposite side of the room. I'm TICKED. I called the janitor to come get the fish. It's not like I can just throw them away in the hallway and inspire MORE girly junior high girls to cover their noses and act like it's the corpse of a HUMAN they are smelling.

So this kid comes in 4th period and I let him have it. I was kind of laughing, though, because it WAS funny. Did he say sorry? No, he says, "Oh! What about the ones still in my locker?" I told him I didn't give a rats about the fish in his locker. But apparently HE did. Because later that day, I go in my backroom again, which has been open to air it out, and there's that stupid bowl full of fish in my back room! HE WENT AND GOT THEM FROM HIS LOCKER AND PUT THEM IN MY BACKROOM. Does he learn nothing?? I wonder to myself, at what point is he going to come pick them up? Not by the end of the day, I can tell you that. The final bell rings and those stupid fish are still there. About 10 of them and only one dead. I call him down to my room, but he doesn't answer. He takes the bus home. What is his plan here? When is he gonna take them home? I had to teach ballroom so I left them in my room, hoping he'd come get them. Next morning, I come in my room, and about five are still alive and the rest are dead. How long since they've been fed?

I was done. I flushed them. That's right, I'm a murderer. I took them to the bathroom and flushed them all, alive and dead. And was darned happy about it. The kid seemed kinda relieved 4th period when I told him what he'd done. At least he took the empty bowl home...I fined him $1000 from his winnings of the soap fair. And from now on, NO LIVE ANIMALS ALLOWED!!!