So I had a freak-out moment at church today. I actually cried about it. I am pleading pregnant on this one. I mean, this is something that has always bugged me, but suddenly it REALLY bugged me today, so bad I cried about it. It is this:
When you don't own a house, you are a second-class citizen at church.
They handed out visiting teaching assignments today. I've heard no real mention of VT since I joined this ward five months ago. I always wondered if they just didn't do it, or if they only talked about it on the weeks that I missed church. Five months, and neither Trevor nor I have a calling, we haven't been assigned as VT or HT, and have had no visits, other than from the bishopric. So when they handed out the assignments I thought, "Finally." And then? My name wasn't on it. But the new family in the ward--a girl my age who just moved in a month ago and has three ADORABLE children and owns a house--she got an assignment. I feel like one of those offended members that annoyed me so much on my mission. Now before you say--"Hey! I wish I had that problem!" know that it isn't really an overwhelming desire to go Visiting teaching that I crave. I just want some acknowledgment that I have something to offer. I want some feeling that I've been noticed, that the RS president has some tiny idea of who I am.
Don't worry. I'm not leaving the church over it. But I was pretty annoyed. It's our third ward since we've been married, and its the same story wherever we go. No matter how many times we sing in church, give talks, make comments, go to activities and otherwise make it clear that we're solid members with RM backgrounds, the story is the same. They're nice, but we aren't worth the time to really get to know or entrust anything with. I'm sure that once I have three small children trailing behind me and I have no time at all, THEN they will have a million things for me to do. But now, while I'm young, full of energy and ideas and lots of time, my service is not wanted. So it's kind of annoying. I just wanted to get that out there, my vent for the day. And to those of you who read this who ARE home owners, please remember us transients and throw us a few scraps every now and then!
Fall Camping
3 months ago
8 comments:
I totally understand Megan. I have felt the same way, five years we have been married and living in a apartment (up until now) and every ward I have had to ask to be a Visiting Teacher. And I think that maybe five times total have we had Home Teachers and Visiting Teachers, combined! I am sorry. I feel bad for you because I know that when you are pregnant everything is magnified!
I don't thinks it's about being a homeowner. I think it's about being "normal". Husband, stay-at-home-mom, kids (plural because less than 3 is not "normal"), dog, house with a pickett fence... I own a house but I am single. I have lived in my neighborhood for 3 years and had visiting teachers twice. Last winter I was assigned new hometeachers and they come. But never before that. I don't have a calling but my bishop just talked to me about organizing an FHE group for the over 30 aged singles. Great. So there is a mini-singles ward within my ward and that's where I am being put. No one talks to me, including the people who live across the street from me and when I mentioned it to my bishop he said, "well, do you think it's because the women are afraid you are going to go after their husbands?" Um.... Are you freaking kidding me????
So if you figure out a way to get people to realize you are just as active and have a strong testimony, let me know!! :) Listen to me rant..... And I don't have the pregnant hormones excuse!! :)
OH MY HECK. You bishop actually SAID that? That is UNBELIEVABLE. I hate how people can be so uncomfortable around singles, like "Oh no! They aren't married! How do i talk to them?" Um...like a regular person? I'm so sorry Jen. If it makes you feel better, you made ME feel better...oh. that must makes me so stinkin' mad!
Actually, when Rob and I bought our house out here in Lehi, it was 3 months of no visits or callings before I lost it. I was so annoyed (and I thought it was because I was fat) that I marched right up to the 1st counselor in the RS presidency and said "I want to be a VT right now and I'm sad that you guys haven't been by to see me yet." The look on her face was priceless, but to be honest, I felt a lot better and of course was made a VT right away, the presidency comes to see me often and I have a calling. I think sometimes it's better just to tell people how you're feeling than to hold it in. If you're mad, tell a person that matters. You have a lot to offer them and you need to let them know it. I think often times, our leaders are just so busy with life and with the needy members in the ward (which I think is steadily growing) that they don't realize they're being forgetful. Good luck!!
Wow! A comment from Jill! I'm so honored! Well, Trevor did go talk to the bishop about it, and i wasn't there, which was good. He was very calm and sincere, and the bishop was awesome. Luckily my bishop isn't idiot like Jen Curtis'. UGH. STILL SO BUGGED ABOUT THAT. WEll, we're in for it now. I'm sure we'll be in the nursery before you can say "UGH."
I'm with Jill. If you are upset, do something about it. Sounds like Trevor did.
When we moved into our first home, we were the only homeowners under 60 so they assumed we lived in the apartments and we were overlooked. What did we do? Made friends with the transient apartment people so they wouldn't feel the way we did. We made some good friends that we are still in contact with.
I know you balk at nursery like it's the worst calling. It seems a churchwide stigma that somehow serving in primary is a lesser calling. Let me tell you, I was never more interested in who was in nursery than when my sweet 18 month old started going. When trying to fill the calling as primary pres, I cried that there was absolutely no one in our ward willing to just give my sweet child the love and attention he deserved. Whatever they call you to- embrace it. Don't concern yourself with some made up "level" of a calling.
I was so frustrated in my previous ward that I am making a point of being open minded in this one and not jumping to conclusions about who people are and what they think. You may be RS pres someday and overlook someone and feel really bad. You just never know the whole story.
That's my two cents.
I so wish that I was embelishing that story. But he did say that. And the worst part is, that there are some people who probably think it's true. You wouldn't believe the rumors that were going around about me and my next-door neighbor at the last ward party. *sigh* I just don't know what it is about me that makes me look that desperate. :) Maybe if I did my hair and put on makeup once in a while.... Uh, yeah right!! Like I'm going to start doing that! But you are right about this being the time in my life when I have the most time. I haven't had a calling since I was the activities chairman in our old ward. That was a freaking long time ago!! And that kept me pretty busy. So now I have FAR too much time on my hands. And you know what they say about idle hands....
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