Identity Crisis

So it's mid-July and I'm going through the same process I go through every summer--who am I? Am I really a teacher? Do I really have a job? Did I used to work? Will I REALLY be working EVERY DAY in a few weeks? Seriously? Yes, that's what I'm thinking. And THEN I'm thinking, "But I don't have to work an entire school year! I'll be off in March when the baby comes!" And THEN I realize, "Wait, that's not a break. It's not going to be like it was in April when I had my surgery, where basically I sat around and played the Sims 2 all day. I will be taking care of a HUMAN BEING. Like ALL THE TIME. I don't "get off" at 3:30 anymore. Would I rather just keep working and skip the whole baby thing? Well, it's a bit late for that! So I guess that is part of my identity crisis too. Will I really be a mom? Am I going to be ok with my entire life changing? Yikes! I'm a mess! Here is a list of what I'm excited about, and what I'm terrified of in having this baby:

Fears:
1. I love my job. Will I resent it once I have to leave my baby to go to work?
2. I don't care what people say. Poop is poop. It smells whether it's your baby's or someone elses.
3. Babies cry. They poop. They need to be burped. They get tired. Will I have ANY CLUE which of these is the current problem when baby Elijah and/or Afton is crying? (by the way, those are our names--Elijah for a boy and Afton for a girl. They've been picked out forever so don't try to change our minds!)
4. Is this baby going to hate me and love Trevor, just like our cat?
5. Will I really love this kid as much as everyone tells me I will?
6. I am going to get SO FREAKING FAT. I already am! And I'm only six weeks!
7. Goodbye perky boobs.
8. I'm afraid of how painful this will be for my bad feet. And it will be even harder to teach ballroom next year.
9. So--let me get this straight. You are uncomfortable for NINE MONTHS. You put your life in danger to give birth in excruciating pain for HOURS. Your body is completely out of wack and it takes forever to recover. And then--THEN, you go home and don't sleep for months? You have to recover AND take care of a baby? Seriously? It's amazign to me so many people do this.

Ok, no more negativity! Now the good stuff!
1. First and foremost, I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE TREVOR AS A FATHER. He's gonna bawl his eyes out when they put that baby in his arms.
2. If I ever feel fearful of having this baby, reminding myself that it's TREVOR'S baby makes me feel honored and excited.
3. I've been preparing to be a mom all my life. Surely I'm gonna be good at this. i mean, look at my sisters! Look at my mother! They are good at it. Don't I just get that through my genes?
4. My students are gonna flip out when they find out I'm pregnant.
5. When all is said and done, this is one of the most important things I will ever do. So when I have an identity crisis and I can't remember if I'm a teacher or slacker or a wife, first and foremost--I will be a MOM. And that's an identity I will never lose!