Guilt

So, there's a lot to feel guilty about in this life. Guilty for every naughty, sweet-tasting thing you put in your mouth. Guilty for every minute you spend on the computer or watching TV instead of doing laundry or the dishes. Guilty for the moment you realize your husband came home after a long day and it never even OCCURRED to you to make dinner. And then there's mom-guilt. My sister Cindy once said that Guilt is the Wal-Mart Greeter of Motherhood--it's there to meet you the moment you enter. And it's very true. I feel guilty for every moment I don't cherish, or get distracted, or spend away from her, or foist her on to Trevor so I can get something done.

Oh! And we haven't even gotten to CHURCH guilt. There's always that. I mean, there's real guilty for real sins--which is necessary and an important step. But it always seems like you are missing something. I feel guitly when I don't read my scriptures (though, strangely, not guilty enough to actually pick them up and read them regularly...hense, more guilt) I feel guilty if I'm not praying often, or I skip an hour of church, or I remember that not only did I not do my visiting teaching this month but--oh yeah. I NEVER do. And there's food storage guilt. Not a very strong guilt, but it does tend to nag.

So I ask myself--with all this guilt around my neck, do I really need to feel guilty about one more thing? Namely, "I haven't updated my blog in forever!!" I say unto you, nay.

That is all.

The Turtle Hurdle

ACK! I hate the pressure of coming up with cute and original titles for my blog posts! It's killing me! Darn you Cindy! It's all your fault--you're so good at it!

That said, we do have a turtle. And we are not sure what to do about it. I suppose that's where the hurdle come in.

Trevor calls me down to come out to the backyard to see something. I see something moving over by the shed. I say, "Is it a rat?" no, it moves to slow. Phew. I say, "Is it a kitten?" this time much more excited. But then if it were a kitten it would be hiding somewhere. No, it's a turtle. THIS turtle.




















What does one do with a wild turtle? Or IS it wild? Is it some cast-off pet that has been living in the backyard for a hundred years? (Well, they say turtles live a long time...)

We call him Snaps.

So what is Snaps' story? Was he once spied in the window of a pet shop, catching the eye of a little boy who begged to take Snaps home? And was he then ripped from said home when the little boy moved, forced into the unfriendly wilderness of the backyard, to live on nothing but grass and snails and pork. Ok, not pork. But grass and snails. Do turtles eat snails?

Anyway, we aren't sure how Snaps came to be in our backyard, and we are even less sure what to do about him. So we googled it. Apparently he can live on his own back there very well, and can burrow down in the winter to keep warm. Well, to keep cold actually. He is a reptile, after all. So after "snapping" some pictures and making sure Afton got a peep (but not a touch--we aren't THAT stupid) we put snaps back where we found him.

I don't know if I will ever see Snaps again. But I'll know--he's out there...somewhere...lurking, burrowing, living...it will take him a lifetime just to get from the shed to the front lawn, so I'm pretty sure Snaps will always be with us, whether we see him or not. You fine, brave, lonely survivor. You are an inspiration to us all. Here's to you, Snaps.

The First Week Back

I love the first week back at school. I do. Even though it's hard to say goodbye to summer, there is something exciting about new studets, a new year, with so many new things to try and new experiences ahead of you. I get a thrill walking down the hallways, seeing the 7th graders looking lost and terrified and excited. I even like to see the 8th and 9th graders back from the summer looking sometimes so much older than the last time I saw them.

This year, of course, has been a bit harder because of Afton. Usually I get bored about mid-July and I'm totally ready to be back. But this year it was a real stretch to leave her. Thank goodness I love my job and am so busy there I don't think about much else. The first day I showed a power point introducing my class, and I added a few family photos to introduce myself. Never done that before. I guess I just wanted to show Afton off. I had to show them THIS. How could I not? And each period I showed it, when her picture came up, I had a little lump in my throat.

So I thought I'd just post my thoughts from the first week. It's been a tough start--we have a new principal, new VP, new office sectretaries, plus the split has made things a little uncertain as far as funding and money and pay. Everyone is on edge, nervous, and even angry. We are all making less money--even the administrators--and yet the work stays the same. Plus we've added late-start Fridays. It was pretty crazy today. The kids don't come until 10:00, so when lunch hit no one was sure where to go. But it was nice being able to have collaborative time with my teams.

I find myself feeling renewed and excited, though. I am loving teaching my classes. I am taking greater pleasure in it than I have in a long time. Maybe it's because my neice and nephew are now in junior high, and I can picture each student as if they are THEM. I want to treat my students the way I want their teachers to treat them. I just hope I can hold on to my new-found enthusiasm. Sometimes it feels like the powers that be are trying to suck everything fun and worthwhile out of my job. But when I stand up in front of those kids--it's almost like I'm home. It's where I belong. How lucky I am to have a job I love so much. And I have to admit--I'm pretty damn good at it!

What Little Girls are Made Of

So it's here! Afton has her petti skirt at last! As you may or not know, my brilliant sister Cindy has learned this new skill of creating these skirts, and she has made one for every single grand daughter--and seeing as the way we produce granddaughters in this family, that's no small feat! Now Afton's is finished, and it's the last of them--though apparently Cindy will be making many more. Read about it here on her blog.
So here it is! I dressed Afton up and took a bunch of pictures outside. Unfortunatly I chose to do this right before her nap so she wasn't really in the mood for it.

He's a Workin' Man

So I'm sure by now you've all heard the big news that TREVOR HAS A JOB. We are so excited, and I are so proud of him! He will be working at the University hospital, in the post anesthesiology unit. It's pretty cushy in both the job and hours he's required to work, and they will work with his school schedule and pay half-tuition after he's been there six months. Apparently a lot of people tried for it, and I'm so proud of Trevor getting it! Getting on at a hospital when you are a first-time CNA is pretty hard, I guess. And he did it all on his own--he didn't use any contacts or pull any strings--he got this all by himself. The pay is crap--really crap--but we knew that. Let's just hope that my job will let me work a 7th period next semester--that will save our bacon.

As for me, school is drawing closer and closer, and each day that goes by is so precious and fast. Soon I'll be leaving my baby girl with other people, and no matter how much they love her, they aren't ME. It's going to be so hard. I keep telling myself that at least I love my job--at least once I get to work I am so busy and engaged in what I do that I won't have time to pine. At least--that's how it was when I went back for four weeks at the end of the school year. But I knew, then, that it was only four weeks and I'd be home again. Now it will be nine months. My poor baby girl--she's had both her Daddy and her Mommy home with her every day since she was born. I hope she doesn't have too hard a time adjusting!

I am pretty nervous for school this year. So many changes at Elk Ridge. New principal, new vice principal, new head secretaries in attendance and the main office, a split district and probably a huge pay cut for me as well as a tax increase. Plus I'll be teaching extra classes, doing ballroom after school, all the responsibilities with being Department Chair, and I'm starting a new massive unit this year that will take a lot of planning and testing. And then of course, trying to make ends meet--which isn't looking too possible right now. Urg. Trevor and I have been in a happy little bubble for a very long time, and now we are back to reality. It sucks. Still, I've spent more time with him over the past few months than a woman spends with her husband in a year, and we still love each other, so that's got to be a good sign, right?

Oh--and here's the update on Twilight. Finished it--took me forever. Saw the movie--and liked it MUCH BETTER. Mainly because it just told the story without all the fluff about Edward's looks and Bella's clumsiness. And they stuck to the book pretty close, I was impressed. Edward wasn't good looking enough, but no one can be "adonis" and "an angel" and all the other things she called him. Jasper's wig was AWFUL. All in all, it was a decent book that I'll never read again, and I have no intention of reading the sequels. I asked Jill if Bella becomes a vampire at some point. That was all I really cared to know.

I want to apologize to Jill for my flippant comments on this blog about her love of Twilight and my lack of faith in her reading Gone with the Wind. She is proving me wrong as we speak. And I do hope that she is kinder about the book I gave her than I was about the one she gave me! I'm still glad I read Twilight--now I can have a real opinion of it instead of a borrowed one, and it DOES bother me when people say they hate a book (like Harry Potter) and haven't even tried to read it. If you tried and hated it, well, you have a right to hate it. So now I guess I have the right to hate Twilight. Man, what a long, stupid entry! I am in the habit of writing a journal--anyone who knows me knows this--and I have a hard time differentiating from my journal and my blog. Not too insightful on here, huh? Well! That's it!

P.S. Do you like my new background? I MADE IT MYSELF! It's not all that detailed--I just wanted to see if I could figure out how to upload it. So maybe I'll keep playing with it.

Frustrated Ramblings from a First-Time (and only-time) Reader of Twilight...

Ok, if you read Facebook you probably already have seen all the posts I've put up expressing my frustration with Twilight. But if not, here is some more. Grrr...I'm 200 pages in and so far? I HATE it.

I never really wanted to read it in the first place. I've been pretty much anti-Twilight since the beginning. I've seen so many of my tweeny-bopper students obsessed with it, which is understandable. But it's seeing middle aged women of intelligence and maturity obsess over it that really turned me off. I was worried that I'd read it, and love it, and then be like them.

No worries now. It doesn't help that I am reading this book on the heals of reading my favorite book of all time, Gone with the Wind, which is undoubtably the best book ever written, with amazing, complex characters. I love how Scarlett is so fundamentally flawed--you love her and hate her at the same time. But that's what makes her real--every character in that book has clearly defined and explored weaknesses and strengths. It's why you cry when you watch her throw away happiness "with both hands" as Rhett puts it--because by the end of that 1,000 pages, these people and the world they live in are real to you.

And after that, I read Twilight? Why, you ask? Well my friend Jill and I made a deal that if I read Twilight, she'll read Gone with the Wind. For the record, I don't think she'll even finish it. It's just so different from Twilight. For instance, it has plot (more than one) believable characters, and substance.

Twilight, on the other hand, is drivel. Now, I understand that every book certainly can't live up to a classic like Gone with the Wind. I've read many genres of books, all in varying degrees of entertainment and good writing. I can read a silly romance and get caught up in it, despite it's flaws, and just enjoy a good story. I can overlook bad writing if the story draws me in, or maybe if there's a really, really good sex scene (ok, not really. Before I was married yes. Now, it honestly just embarasses me.)

But this? I swear, I've been reading it forever and nothing has happened. I find the "love" story to be really annoying. Yes, I get that Edward is good looking. Get over it already. Do you have to make a reference to it in EVERY paragraph? How can anyone function in a relationship when they are spending all their time catching their breath and being dazzled by someone who "looks more like a greek god than anyone has a right to be." I can't stand it. But Jill--I WILL finish it. Even though I don't think you will finish Gone with the Wind. Ah, we shall see.

Overall assessment:

Bella: She's somewhat likeable--she's "normal" and has normal problems. Her "flaws" are pretty much that she's clumsy, which Stephanie Meyer can't seem to go a page withotu mentioning in some way. She's not supposed to be beautiful but I think there are about five guys who are in love with her within minutes so go figure. And Mr. Gorgeous Edward seems to be attracted to her immediately for no apparent reason. I don't know, I haven't finished it yet. Maybe it'll explain, but I doubt it. I like her alright, but I see no reason for Edward to pick her out as his soulmate other than that author says he does.

Edward: I know he's a vampire so he has super-human strength, beauty and charm. But the guy has no flaws whatsover--oh, except that 1) he's a vampire 2) He can't help but drag Bella into danger because he just loves her so much, apparently, so even though he's dangerous and not "good for her" he's gonna risk it anyway because, what the hell? and 3) he's a pedofile. He may be 17, but since he's been 17 for hundreds of years, that makes him WAY older than her. So gross.

Other characters: There are other characters? I must have missed that. They only get mentioned in passing, since 90% of this book, so far, is either explaining how much Bella is attracted to Edward (and describing him over and over synonyms for the same word--Stephanie must have LOVED her thesaurus) or it's pages and pages of boring detailed descriptions of what Bella does every day, like homework...thinking of Edward...make dinner...think of Edward...talk on the phone...think of Edward...say hi to Charlie...wonder what Edward is doing right now...It's pretty much that for the whole first 200 pages.

Ok I'm done. Sorry Jill. I think you will be VERY mad if you read this entry. But I'm betting you won't. But it feels good to get it out. I'm gonna finish it, damnit, but I WILL NOT read the sequels! Hope you enjoy Gone with the Wind!

A Talented Sister and a Cute Baby...

So today Trevor and I went to partake of my sister's amazing talent and had ourselves a little photo shoot. It's our first family photo! Nicki also took a lot of shots of Afton, and these are just some of the ones she's touched up. Don't I have the prettiest little girl? And isn't Nicki an awesome photographer? You know us Nielson girls--between the five of us, SOMEONE will have knowledge of whatever you are needing to know. When it's photography (and free medical advice) we go to Nicki. Anyway, just thought I'd share!